General

Since a few weeks ago I "suffer" from something that I haven't experienced before: emptiness. Total emptiness. It's definitely not a burn-out, but everything feels just empty. The same trot every day, nothing new and inspiring. The same old stories for the last few weeks, absolutely no new topics to speak about with my friends. I just don't know what to say anymore. The only thing that keeps me from the trot is the trot itself: all that makes me survive is the ever-iterating same schedule every day, the things I'm used to, the things that make me happy (at least for a short time), like lunch, supper, The Simpsons and reading email, usenet and weblogs. But basically, that's it.

Since the time where I did that 60hr week, I lost all the impedus I would need to realize some of the ideas that I had in the last few weeks (programming-related, that is). Using the computer is basically nothing but clicking through the usual news sites, downloading the latest RSS feeds over and over, starting mutt and slrn over and over, waiting for new emails or postings, and listening to the same music over and over. Today I would have the chance to go out in Linz, but what should I do there? Getting drunk, probably. And it wouldn't help, either, as the drunkenness would mix with the loneliness that I sometimes feel and would most likely produce and wonderful, nice depression.

Of course, I could call friends, but would I do with them? Nothing. And not even the worst web chats that I once used the visit in order to prank and make fun of all the st00p1d girlies provide any of them. Yeah, they are literally empty. And I don't even have enough energy to simply read a book. Hell, yeah, I'm totally empty.

The only exception in the last few days were some really funny Jabber sessions with MP, but that was also short-lived. But nevertheless, MP could tell you a lot about Hirundo-zilla shitting nukes, movies with maths professors with set squares in their pants and weird lab exercises at his university, but that's a story for another time. And it's definitely nothing to wipe out my inner emptiness.